Why the mom in your office is leaving early

A few years ago, a dear friend and I were catching up on work stuff. The topic of "how to do you get to work on time and leave in time to pick up the kids" came up naturally. "It's impossible for me to show up at 8am" she told me, "and there's a clear divide between us parents and non-parents in the office."

She went on to describe the strong tension between teammates. Non-parents felt it wasn’t fair that parents were given more flexibility to leave early or arrive late and make up the time at home or elsewhere. They argued that parents had a choice in having kids - and could've chosen not to.

I can see that perspective. In a zero-sum world, it’s you over here and me over here.

But if you’re a parent reading this, I can tell your blood is already boiling!

So how do we step out of the zero-sum game and see the humanity in our colleagues? Children are the next generation of our economy, and raising them takes a village. Even if you don’t have kids and don’t see a connection, you do have a part in it. And your part is an important one.

At my last workplace, I was the only parent with young children, but my younger colleagues all had demands on their lives that required them to leave early from time to time or work remotely. In that environment, I felt protected.

Still, as moms and parents, we often feel guilty rather than appreciated when we have to leave at a certain time for pick-up, care for a sick kid, and adjust our schedules on the daily because of a school or extracurricular event. Parents aren’t doing less. We’re doing more, but much of that labor goes unseen.

None of this means the answer is to give parents a free pass, or to pit one group’s needs against another’s. 

Everyone, parent or not, has a life that sometimes (or regularly) demands their attention away from their desk: an aging parent, a health issue, a commitment that matters to them. When teams extend flexibility with trust instead of scorekeeping, everyone benefits, and no one has to justify their life to get it. 

Whether you’re a parent who needs that grace or a colleague who can offer it, a little curiosity about what’s happening behind someone’s early exit goes a long way.

So I’m curious to hear from you: if you’re a parent, how are you dealing with this? And if you’re not, what are you hearing from the parents in your workplace?